Saturday, 26 March 2016


I wrote this about the terrorist attacks in Brussels. It got quite a lot of likes and a bit of attention because I wrote it on the day of the attacks, so I thought I'd share it with you guys.

This weird and oxymoronic and alienating thing called friendship

Dear Somebody,

You know what I wish I could say to you? Fine. Fine, fine, fine. I don't care if you want to tell me something, but you know what, tell me in a less preachy, moralising way. Because you're a nice kid, you know, but you know that? You are preachy and moralising. And that annoys me to hell sometimes, but we're not allowed to say anything. No, we're not allowed to say anything, because this weird and oxymoronic and alienating thing called friendship has to be conducted in looks under eyelashes and voices that aren't quite whispers and I hate how almost everyone I know buys into that stupid belief!

You know what, here's what I want to say to you. You irritate me. You irritate me, you irritate me, you irritate me! You can be the sweetest person in the world but for God's sake, you're irritating. You're allowed to put your head on the table and almost cry if I mess up, but if you do one thing wrong and anyone shows the slightest flicker of annoyance, you go silent and huffy and try to pile on the guilt. Well, you know what, sweetie, two can play at that game, and if you whine about me playing it, I can bring up all the times you've played it too, probably without even realising it.
My mental health is a reason for you to put on your armour of big eyes and hurt feelings but your religion is meant to put a nail through my tongue and completely shut me up in case of your sensitivity. Well, guess what, sweetie. You don't own sensitive. You don't own hurt. And you don't own all the world's problems. Sorry to pull that weight off your shoulders.

Friday, 11 March 2016

Snapshots, Petula Clark and Twilight Memories

Yesterday, I was walking around with the air all cold and overcast and sharp at once and it occurred to me how much we miss of life sometimes inside. It was always strange to me to think that while I was in school, there was a whole world going on out there. Sometimes, I wonder if school actually teaches you anything about it. I had "I Want The One I Can't Have" by the Smiths playing and I watched people go by. A boy with a backpack and headphones on. Two men pushing a baby between them. It was strange to see the early afternoon world, and to realise we only see snapshots of the world at a time.

Last night, my mother put on "Downtown" by Petula Clark for the first time in years and I could remember the first time I heard it, in the back of a car on the motorway when I was five, with the twilight settling overhead and counting the streetlights out of the window, watching the road signs that went by. I was with my grandparents and my cousin and we were going to London. I remember the safety I felt then, even in the night, in the back of a car with people that loved me, with Downtown playing and the twilight an aching purple on the other side of the window

Today, I've had "Little Wanderer" by Death Cab for Cutie playing and it's strange because it makes me think how far away some people so near to me can feel and of the people I used to know who are gone now. It makes me think of the things that make me sad when they should make me happy.

Wednesday, 9 March 2016

The Times, They Are Changing (and all the things)

I feel like my interests are changing recently. Changing in a good way. I'm becoming more interested in a load of different things and a load of different subjects and to be honest, after what sometimes seems like years of trying on new personas, it's pretty much a relief to have something real I'm into now as well.
There are so many things I want to do. I want to keep up with writing, work on my novel, I want to start a blog about politics, I want to do more political stuff, I want to go to university, and pass exams, and also just enjoy things. There's a lot I want to do, and if sometimes, I don't post here for a while, it's probably just because I'm busy doing those things. In the unlikely event I ever stopped posting here altogether, I would show you guys where you could now find me. I mean, I don't think that is likely to happen, but if it did, I'd let you guys know.
In the meantime, I read a novel called Radio Silence by Alice Oseman and it is a book about podcasts and fandom but also about exams and pressure and how there's more to life than schoolwork and how something doesn't actually have to be classified as wrong to be wrong. If you know what I mean.
I posted about Alice's first novel, Solitaire, yonks ago and this is her second. I loved Solitaire and I loved Radio Silence even more, and given I love book trailers, here are the two Alice made for her books below:

And in the meantime, here's a song I've been listening to recently. I might make a playlist soon. I haven't made one of those in a while.